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July 21 – Lessons at 42

It’s my birthday today. Entering my forties wasn’t the easiest thing. It wasn’t that I was getting older, it was that many things in my life that I had thought of as dependable and rock-solid turned out to be not so. Friends I thought were my ride-or-dies turned out to be not even “ride.” Okay, so I had to make some changes, and I did. Despite the world being a chaotic mess, I’ve managed to move forward in ways I never thought possible. Yes, I had to let a few friends go, but letting go is sometimes just what a friendship needs. A few have come back. Some have stayed gone. I move on…

While I definitely don’t have it all together, there are a few lessons I’ve learned at 42. These are, of course, general life lessons that I’m continuing to evolve with and not directed to any one person in particularly.

It’s not always obvious, but getting older is a blessing.

Honestly, my life is pretty darn good, overall. Still, life has pulled the rug out from underneath me quite a few times. You really can’t learn resilience unless you’ve been knocked down. Getting up, dusting off, and moving on is part of getting older. You can learn to see the blessing in that.

Don’t tell me, show me.

This has been one of the harder ones because I generally take people at their word. But these days, I watch what people do much more than what they say. Words have much more meaning when paired with action.

If they wanted to, they would.

That’s pretty much it. The next time you’re wondering why they haven’t called, texted, shown up… see above.

Stop chasing.

I’ve pretty much stopped chasing things, people, love, acceptance, approval, achievement. They might be worth working towards, but they’re not worth chasing after.

Every workout and healthy meal is with an eye towards my 65-year-old self. 

I’m around older folks a lot, and as they all say: aging ain’t for sissies. Time is coming for all of us, and for me it’s all about healthy choices I make now and how they play out in 20 years. It’s a roll of the dice, and you want the odds in your favor.

Moisturizer and sunscreen. Every day.

Every day. Also, hydrate.

You don’t have to let your 13-year-old self dictate the rest of your life.

This one I hit me many years ago when an actor friend of mine said “I decided to do this when I was 13. What does the adult version of me want now?” I ask myself the same question when it comes to life choices, reactions, even my own body image issues. Is this the 13-year-old in me reacting? What does the adult me want? 

I can’t make myself more miserable in order to make others happier.

This one can get complicated, but I’ve learned a few times (and the hard way) that some people will undermine your happiness because of their own dissatisfaction in life. Don’t let them. You can’t dim your own light thinking it’ll make someone else’s brighter.

Dedicate yourself to your own personal mission(s) and align yourself with those who share similar missions.

This is especially true for those of us that are ambitious, driven, productive. Instead of dedicating all your time and energy to one person, organization, or company, understand that things can and will change. None of us can do it all alone, but there are moments where you’ll have to adjust. Knowing where your true north is makes that adjustment much more clear.

Change often means people will say “what’s with you?” Nothing is “with” me, this is me.

Get ready for the cocked heads, cranked necks, and furrowed brows. Change comes with a variety of these looks.

Life is hard, but life is also beautiful. There is still a lot of good in the world.

It’s hard out there. It’s hard to see it, but there is a lot of good out there and it’s worth fighting for. Stop doom-scrolling and go for a walk. It takes mental clarity and balance to thrive when the world seems to be always on fire.

Eat more vegetables. And oats, oats are really good for you.

‘Nuff said.

Again, these are on the general side and don’t often apply across the board. I’m still learning as I go, and I’m grateful for another year in a decade that is being good to me.

July 14 – More heat, the ESPYS, and pool party

It’s been the kind of week where the days feel unending and the is almost an excess of time. I was born in summer and I luxuriate in that strange moment in the afternoon/evening where time seems to suspend itself, and you realize the day is almost too long. I’m aware the days are actually becoming shorter, but it doesn’t seem so this time of year.

Southern California has had a prolonged heatwave paired with an excess of smog and bad air quality. This limits my outdoor activities, but I did manage to get in a few hikes between my lifting days. The chaparral foothills are dry and dusty. The creeks are down to mere trickles. I struggled a bit on one of my usual trails, I think due to the bad air. Most of the rest of the week I spent indoors with the AC going.

At the last minute, I got a call from a regular client of mine to photograph the ESPYS afterparty at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, on of my favorite LA historical establishments. The party was fun, a little chaotic as big events tend to be, and I ran into a few old friends that I didn’t know would be there. This is where I remind myself of how lucky I am that I still get to do this as my job. Afterwards, I snuck into the lobby to see the classic old ceiling and atmosphere.

The heat seems to have calmed a little bit. Off in the distance, I can still see smoke from a few wildfires. I have a lot of hope for my home state, and believe that we can pull through many future fire seasons as climate change worsens. What choice do we have?

On Saturday, my family had a pool party for my twin baby cousins turning 7. It was just us, cooking, playing in the pool. The kids continued to play wildly in the pool long after we were all worn out. Later, I came home and realized that someone tried to assassinate the former President. I’m grateful for those few hours I was unaware. I try to leave my underlying sense of dread about what is to come over the next few months off of this space, but I must acknowledge it. Again, I’m sure just about no one reads these words I write every week, but this blog is for an audience of myself primarily. I hope to look back in a year and feel at least somewhat more at ease about where our country is headed.

July 7 – Slowing down, monster trucks, fireworks

It’s a time of year where much of my client work slows down. I have to remind myself that being a solopreneur means that, besides the creative force, you’re every role in the company from CEO down to the janitor. A slow month means it’s time for things like inventory, accounting, equipment maintenance, training, etc..

Thankfully, I have plenty to do here at home, including my own birthday in a few weeks. I spent much of the week cleaning up from my mom’s big 70th birthday party, which became more of a long weekend of celebrations. Our neighbors came by throughout the weekend, which felt very fun and old-school neighborly.

For the fourth of July, my family decided last minute to attend Kaboom! at the Pomona Fairplex. Monster trucks, motocross, and fireworks. I photographed this event last year for the Fairplex, the same site the hosts the LA County Fair. I was hoping to work this one again, but I’m happy to see fellow photographers working. Plus, I’m rather happy with the shots I got last year (see above) and I don’t always like to get the same shots year after year.

Another decent use of a slower month is to explore projects and creative expression outside the realm of client work. It seems counterintuitive–why work on anything unless it’s for pay. For creativity’s sake that isn’t always the best approach. It’s good to take time to learn, explore, challenge yourself. And I’m someone who does many, many things. It can be a little frustrating, to be honest. I often find that I’m wandering a bit, camera in hand, with no real direction. I breathe and try to remember that this is part of the process.

Seeing the fireworks at the Fairplex reminds me of last year when I had to photograph a few events with fireworks, and how it was actually a skill I learned specifically for these events. Some examples below from Angel Stadium in Anaheim.

I’m generally anti-fireworks, but pro-learning new things.

June 30 – Heatwaves and birthdays

Havin’ a heatwave… We’ve officially switched on the air conditioner for the summer. At some point, you admit that the warm breeze outside is never going to actually cool the house down, even after sunset. This week was spent taking care of business while hiding from the heat blast. My work tends to slow down this time of year, but I had a quick shoot day with the team at Segerstrom Center for the Arts in Costa Mesa. I’m always impressed by the amount of arts education programs they offer to the communities of Orange County. Yes, they’re most known for the touring musicals that play there, but they offer many many educational opportunities for kids, and fundraise non-stop for them.

The other thing I was busy with was a big birthday party for my Mom. Summer birthdays are notoriously difficult. (Mine is only a few weeks away!) So we were initially hesitant to plan a cocktail party for her. It’s always a crapshoot who is actually free to show up. What started as a small cocktail party turned into a catered dinner and a few pre- and post-gatherings with neighbors and friends. I can safely say I enjoy photographing events a lot more than I do planning and producing them. Still, it was a beautiful weekend and we had a ton of fun and food.

Heading into to July, I have my aforementioned birthday and probably more hiding from more oncoming heatwaves. I’m doing my best to keep my thirsty garden of herbs and tomatoes alive.

June 23 – Tony Awards, Hiking, Pride at my old high school

Started the week, and ended the weekend, watching the Tony Awards. Few things were as elusive and sacred to me as a teenager than the Tonys. These theatre artists that lived mainly on CD cast recordings and The Rosie O’donnell Show would perform genuine numbers from their shows and accept their awards humbly. To a kid in suburban SoCal, New York City was about as far away of a land as could be. So many years later, and having lived in Hells Kitchen, NYC, and having given trying to get on Broadway a shot, watching the awards is different, obviously. But it still brings me back to the wonder of my theatre kids days. I still aspire to be like them, but I see them all as much more human than I ever did back then. And like any Broadway fan, there’s always a feeling of “it was so great back then…”

I was happy to get back on it with my workouts this week, even if I managed to mildly strain my back in the process. I went for a lovely hike in the chapparel trails by my house. The spring surge in growth has now become a landscape of flowering and bolting plants, some native and many invasives. The ever-metastasizing invasion of black mustard on the California hillsides has almost taken over everything. While hiking, I whisper small encouragements to the native plants still surviving.

Drove by my old high school and saw on their digital marquee “CHS Celebrates Pride Month” with a rainbow flag background. This is the very same school where I experienced a lot of intense bullying my freshman and sophomore years. It was a nice feeling to see that, and I like to think that these kids have it at least somewhat easier than I did. Many of my teachers and coaches back then did basically nothing when kids threw f-slurs at me, I hope these kids at least have more support from their administration.

Finished the week off back at the Fairplex in Pomona shooting their annual Cheers! event. A very SoCal evening of wine tasting amidst their beautiful, bountiful farm site. We had a heat wave move in, but as the sun went down the breeze picked up. I somehow always forget just how hot it gets in summer in SoCal.

Some reading:

Interesting New Yorker article on the photography of Laura Webb Nichols in rural Wyoming. I hesitate to play into the constant myth of women artists as lone geniuses, except for the fact that the history of the photography greats is basically handed over to men. This is truly some fantastic work by Nichols, who seemed to have been frustrated that she couldn’t fully realize her artistic career with her domestic life.

The Seminarian by Hart Hanson, a friend and part of my late stepdad’s work family for many years on the TV show, Bones. Happy to have picked up my copy at Vroman’s in Pasadena.

Some watching:

Ripley on Netflix. I don’t know any millennial who isn’t a fan of the movie The Talented Mr. Ripley. I also like the original novel by Patricia Highsmith, so I was excited to see this remake. It may be the photographer in me, but I just love that it’s shot entirely in black and white. Beautifully composed shots in every scene. Reminds me that I need to get back out and think black and white while shooting.

Photographing WeHo Pride 2024

I took my camera (Leica MP TYP 240) to West Hollywood this month to photograph Pride on my own. Pride is a special time of year for me, although like many LGBTQIA+ people I’ve had conflicting feelings about it over the years. The partying, the substances, the corporate sponsorships, the rainbow-washing–all of these seem to take away from the original message of the original Pride marches. It took me a long time to understand Pride as both a party and a protest. Pride is both rage and joy. Pride is over-the-top because Pride is about saying “I am not ashamed, and I’m here.”

And, like many, I’d rather use this celebration as a creative opportunity and to act the documentarian. Here are some of my shots. I hadn’t done street photography style shooting in a long time, so it felt a little bit like getting back on a bike again.

June 16 – Back to feeling human

We are definitely full speed into summer around my neck of the woods. The days have become long and warm. The evenings remain cool, which is nice. The upstairs part of my home tends to warm up in the heat of the day, then takes a few hours to release that heat into the cool of the evening. Our windows stay open, welcoming that release.

Since being sick last week, this is the first week I’ve felt human again. I took a quick trip down to Little Ethiopia in Los Angeles to meet my friend, Charles. We’d intended to try a bunch of food and visit the vintage shops along Fairfax. As ever, my timing was off and the shops all seemed to be closed. We did hop into a restaurant called Rosalind’s and ordered a dish called Vegan Glory, which we promptly devoured. Very tasty.

I was also happy to do some thrift shopping this week. Thrifting is my only hobby I haven’t tried to make into a career. And I’m quite aware just how much the thrift/vintage world has changed even in the last few years. What used to be a fairly cheap hobby has been turned into a so-called treasure hunt by online resellers. Grandpa’s 501s and Grandma’s depression glass are increasingly harder to find. These used to be the cheap collectables. Now they’re hot items on reselling sites. I didn’t find any of my usual treasures. I did pick up a few books. Being a gay uncle to seven-year-olds, I pick up books that are slightly above their reading level so that we always have reading as an activity when they’re over for a visit.

Friday evening was a trip to the Ahmanson Theatre at the Music Center in LA, to see A Strange Loop. I saw this musical on Broadway a couple of years ago, and I was interested to see how I’d react to it this time around. My brother, who was with me this time, didn’t particularly enjoy it. I’ve heard mixed reactions from friends as well. Personally, I find it reductive to leave an experience and simply stamp it as “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it.” I’ve studied theatre my entire life (I even have a degree in it) and I have to be okay with allowing a piece to make me think. Just because I’m not humming the lyrics on my way out, doesn’t mean the show is a failure. In this case of A Strange Loop, I really like the music and the ensemble cast. Parts of the show I find challenging probably in the fact that they weren’t particularly meant for me to consumed easily. Theatre is meant to make you think.

I ended the week with family over to enjoy the lengthening evenings. I grilled a bunch of vegetables that had been sitting in the fridge, and even experimented grilling tofu on a cedar plank. We poured rose and sat outside. The world is chaotic right now, but I’ll take good days with my family while I have them. Nothing but gratitude.

May into June

Funny thing about this blog that basically no one reads is that I feel free to update this corner of the internet with whatever I want, while also feeling like I have no obligation to actually keep the updates coming. I’ve been on-again-off-again with this blog/webpage for nearly 25 years now. This year, however, I decided to keep the posts coming, mostly as a log for myself and to be of use for any future developments that may arise.

As it happens, the last month since I posted has been a marathon of work, busy-ness, and rest, followed by a week of being completely on my ass due to a nasty cold. I rarely get sick, and certainly a cold wouldn’t been manageable while still leaving me able to work. This was a lovely combination of cold and flu symptoms. I’m not quite sure what I had contracted, but I had to proactively make myself stop and focus on recovery. Powering through such things can actually put you at risk for even worse health moving forward.

Finishing up the month of May meant finishing up my run as official photographer for the LA County Fair. This is definitely one of my defining gigs of the year. A treat and a challenge. I loved the Fair this year, and everyone I knew who came down to experience it talked about how impressed they were. I actually miss the fun once it’s over.

Post-Fair, I drove to the desert house for Memorial Day weekend to cook vegan food for our annual neighborhood barbecue there. This was much anticipated for me, and I had practiced making my whole roasted cauliflower on the smoker many times. On the big bbq day, I was met with quite a few curious glances as I loaded in and prepped the cauliflower. The gentlemen grilling meat right next to me snuck over for a taste. Apparently it was a hit, with almost none left once the line had come through. I was happy about that.

Coming back from the desert meant running headlong into June, Pride month, and the start of summer activities. I spent the day at WeHo Pride doing my own street photography, which as a nice change from my constant work photography mindset. I’d like to share a few of those shots in a separate post. A few days after Pride, began to feel sick and that’s when I signed off. I’m feeling much better now, and back to my grind.

One thing I’ve learned over the past many years is knowing when to stop. I don’t often like doing it, but I’d rather do it voluntarily rather than have the universe force me to.

May 12 – Mostly the Fair

Me and my Dole whip.

I’ve been pretty much consumed with The LA County Fair, basically my biggest client of the year, especially in terms of scale. After photographing the first two full days of the Fair, I was reminded once again just how exhausting it is. And the number of photos I have to process from each day at work is daunting. Thankfully, I’m pretty adept at editing and processing large batches of shots.

It’s not all work. I decided to also attend the Fair as a guest with some friends and family. I couldn’t resist a Dole Whip.

It took me several days to recover from these shoot days. Having worked events for several years now, I basically can keep going and going. I have to make myself stop. I did manage to get out and do my favorite hobby of visiting thrift stores in my area. That’s just about as exciting as my week got. The way things are going, it’ll be a few more weeks or months before I’m able to show some of the work I’ve done for the Fair.

May 5 – Quick desert escape before the Fair

Took the opportunity to escape to the desert house out on the Colorado River for a few days. It’s already hot enough in Parker, Arizona, to feel like summer. I wanted to relax a bit before the actual summer activities of the area begin–mainly boating, beaching, and day-drinking in the scorching hot sun. The area becomes a family vacationers and swimsuit-clad party animals looking to get tanked. I like to escape to the quiet.

We’ve been a part of this little desert community now since the early 1990s, when my grandparents bought what eventually would become their post-retirement home. When I was a kid, it felt like we were being dragged out there. The weather on the weekends we’d go out there would be unbelievably hot and my grandparents wouldn’t allow me and my siblings to watch TV. We were, of course, instantly bored and saved only by the prospect of going down to the water to go swimming. As an adult, I appreciate the little family house we have here much much more. It is both a refuge and a gathering place for raucous family gatherings.

My mini-cation was short-lived, as I had to book it home to start my month-long engagement with the LA County Fair. This is my second time with the Fair, though I’ve done many events with the Pomona Fairplex since. It’s one of my favorite events of the year, and I feel privileged to be one of three photographers on staff for the month. The fairgrounds covers whopping 487 acres, making it the largest county fair in the nation. What I remember the most is feeling like this was an endless visual feast, quite literally sensory overload. I grew up going to this Fair, and somehow I still wasn’t prepared for the amount of stimulation. Thankfully, we started out with a Fair food preview day to ease into the experience.

Once the food preview was over, we headed into the first Fair weekend. What’s amazing is that this massive event is created and organized by a rather small office of staff. And of course, there’s a practical army of food and shopping vendors, sanitation staff, volunteers, security, artists, and many, many, more. I can’t show much of what I’m photographing here out of respect to my contract. After clocking in about 17,000 steps on my first day back, I am reminded that for some reason I really enjoy working these gigantic events.