It’s my birthday today. Entering my forties wasn’t the easiest thing. It wasn’t that I was getting older, it was that many things in my life that I had thought of as dependable and rock-solid turned out to be not so. Friends I thought were my ride-or-dies turned out to be not even “ride.” Okay, so I had to make some changes, and I did. Despite the world being a chaotic mess, I’ve managed to move forward in ways I never thought possible. Yes, I had to let a few friends go, but letting go is sometimes just what a friendship needs. A few have come back. Some have stayed gone. I move on…
While I definitely don’t have it all together, there are a few lessons I’ve learned at 42. These are, of course, general life lessons that I’m continuing to evolve with and not directed to any one person in particularly.
It’s not always obvious, but getting older is a blessing.
Honestly, my life is pretty darn good, overall. Still, life has pulled the rug out from underneath me quite a few times. You really can’t learn resilience unless you’ve been knocked down. Getting up, dusting off, and moving on is part of getting older. You can learn to see the blessing in that.
Don’t tell me, show me.
This has been one of the harder ones because I generally take people at their word. But these days, I watch what people do much more than what they say. Words have much more meaning when paired with action.
If they wanted to, they would.
That’s pretty much it. The next time you’re wondering why they haven’t called, texted, shown up… see above.
Stop chasing.
I’ve pretty much stopped chasing things, people, love, acceptance, approval, achievement. They might be worth working towards, but they’re not worth chasing after.
Every workout and healthy meal is with an eye towards my 65-year-old self.
I’m around older folks a lot, and as they all say: aging ain’t for sissies. Time is coming for all of us, and for me it’s all about healthy choices I make now and how they play out in 20 years. It’s a roll of the dice, and you want the odds in your favor.
Moisturizer and sunscreen. Every day.
Every day. Also, hydrate.
You don’t have to let your 13-year-old self dictate the rest of your life.
This one I hit me many years ago when an actor friend of mine said “I decided to do this when I was 13. What does the adult version of me want now?” I ask myself the same question when it comes to life choices, reactions, even my own body image issues. Is this the 13-year-old in me reacting? What does the adult me want?
I can’t make myself more miserable in order to make others happier.
This one can get complicated, but I’ve learned a few times (and the hard way) that some people will undermine your happiness because of their own dissatisfaction in life. Don’t let them. You can’t dim your own light thinking it’ll make someone else’s brighter.
Dedicate yourself to your own personal mission(s) and align yourself with those who share similar missions.
This is especially true for those of us that are ambitious, driven, productive. Instead of dedicating all your time and energy to one person, organization, or company, understand that things can and will change. None of us can do it all alone, but there are moments where you’ll have to adjust. Knowing where your true north is makes that adjustment much more clear.
Change often means people will say “what’s with you?” Nothing is “with” me, this is me.
Get ready for the cocked heads, cranked necks, and furrowed brows. Change comes with a variety of these looks.
Life is hard, but life is also beautiful. There is still a lot of good in the world.
It’s hard out there. It’s hard to see it, but there is a lot of good out there and it’s worth fighting for. Stop doom-scrolling and go for a walk. It takes mental clarity and balance to thrive when the world seems to be always on fire.
Eat more vegetables. And oats, oats are really good for you.
‘Nuff said.
Again, these are on the general side and don’t often apply across the board. I’m still learning as I go, and I’m grateful for another year in a decade that is being good to me.
